5 Steps from Burnout to Supporting Others With Ease

I used to struggle deeply with holding space for clients. I would quickly become exhausted, and it felt incredibly frustrating. The thing I loved most—supporting others—was actually burning me out.

Over the years  listening to what was depleting me and what was nourishing me helped but I was tired of not being able to do so many of the things I enjoyed because it was too much for me.

I had to also learn to make some fundamental shifts in my identity and my nervous system to be able to turn what was depleting me into something that was nourishing me instead, and to have the capacity to hold it all.

Two weeks ago I hosted my first ever 3 night retreat. I had held space for women for up to a full day but never longer than that. I was concerned that I’d be exhausted afterwards.

Instead, I came away buzzing with energy that lasted for days. No crash—just a full, bursting heart and a sense of spacious ease in my nervous system. It felt like I had been the one attending the retreat, not just hosting it!

Here’s what has changed to make this possible:

1) I no longer try to rescue people. I used to believe I had to do the work for them. Since I was a child I felt what people felt and I took on the emotions of others (many of you will likely have experienced the same as I find most of my clients with chronic fatigue and burnout are highly sensitive individuals). I took on the protector/rescuer role from a young age. This is often an unconscious trauma adaptation. After all, if the people around us are safe then we are safe so if we can protect and rescue them them it helps them and helps us (all done unconsciously of course).

My chronic fatigue and burnout taught me two crucial lessons: if I’m not okay first, I can’t truly help anyone; and that I’m safe, supported and empowered. This helped me see my clients not as people needing saving or carrying, but as amazing, empowered individuals who rather need someone to walk alongside them on the path while seeing them in the fulness of their light.  Serving from this place feels completely different—lighter and more authentic.

2) I shifted my identity, as above —from victim to empowered—and also released the belief that my worth depended on how much I helped or avoided upsetting others.

3) I adopted nervous system practices that make me more resilient and less overwhelmed by life’s demands, all the sensory input and everyone’s needs. My nervous system more quickly returns to a rested space where I can receive vitality and nourish myself.

4) My spiritual relationship has deepened so that I no longer hold a belief that I am self-reliant and alone but, rather, deeply connected to a bigger, unfolding matrix that nourishes, guides and protects me.

5) I keep a toolbox of tools and techniques to calm my nervous system, connect to my body, and receive spiritual support. The sacred ritual of these daily habits sets me up to feel held and at ease.

I don’t always get this right. I am neurodivergent with a particularly neurospicy family and life can be crazy at times. While I manage to hold space for clients from a far more rooted and regulated place it’s not always the case in my home and family life! But, damn, it’s so much better than it was and I feel far more empowered. I’m so grateful for that.

When you’re in the thick of burnout and fatigue, it’s hard to imagine a different way or know how to get there. I’ve walked that path so I can guide you through it.

If you want to understand why you are where you are, discover your next empowered step, and learn how I can support you, just reply to this email. Let’s chat about that next step…..