Yesterday, I stepped into our tiny local library—a place that usually feels like a silent sanctuary for me. I’m sure you know what I mean – The smell of old paper, the hushed whispers, and a treasure-trove of stories waiting to be found?
But, as I was renewing my annual membership with the elderly volunteer librarian the silence was shattered. A man walked in and began verbally abusing a second woman volunteering behind the counter.
He didn’t just shout; he swore at her, called her a liar and accused her of making up mental health issues. He revealed all her personal secrets with his horrendous insults. I watched the older librarian, visibly shaken, telling him to stop. He treated her request like a cockroach to be squashed. I felt how the air had left the room, we were all shutting down and becoming small.
For a second, I felt my old, familiar “freeze” response. My brain tried to rationalize why I should stay quiet. But then, I caught myself. I saw my daughter just around the corner, I felt the rage of so many women being treated like this with no support and I couldn’t just keep quiet.
So, I spoke up. I told him to stop. Even when he turned his contempt on me, asking, “What are you going to do about it?”—I didn’t back down. I stayed rooted and told him it was not OK to speak to anyone like he was doing and to disrupt the peace. I pointed out how unsafe we were feeling. At one point he approached the woman behind the counter so I went behind there as well to stand beside her, afraid he’d hit her. And then afraid he’d hit me. Eventually, he left, leaving the poor women in tears and the rest of us very shaken.
I took three important insights from this experience:
Firstly, how our nervous system templates and trauma responses dictate our responses and impact our bodies. Maybe you’ve been there too? Perhaps you know exactly what it feels like to have your nervous system go into a total freeze when someone crosses a line? Maybe you fawned (tried to say something to appease the person) or you rationalised why it was OK?
You and I both know how easy it is to shut down to stay safe. But what happens to your spirit when you keep yourself small for too long? It depletes you, doesn’t it? It’s exhausting to feel powerless and frozen.
Secondly, the old me wouldn’t just have stayed silent but also tried to “rescue” the poor woman with free therapy later (which she wouldn’t have necessarily asked for). I would have told myself I was doing it for her but I really would have done it to help the scared, powerless part of me that needed to be rescued. Instead, I gave her a hug and held the belief that she is strong and powerful and will know and take the steps she needs to when she’s ready
Thirdly, when the other woman visiting the library joined me in confronting this man after I did, I remembered again how important it is to speak our truth to give others permission to do the same. And how powerful woman can be when we collaborate.
I’ve NEVER seen myself as someone who speaks up and stands out. I spent my life shying away from that even if hurt me and I abandoned myself and my needs.
But my journey through chronic fatigue and burnout taught me a hard truth: When you stay quiet to fit in and feel ‘safe’, you’re actually betraying your own body. My symptoms forced me to take the time to hear what my body was telling me about not being in alignment with my truth, about keeping myself small, adapting myself to fit in and be safe (even if it depleted me), and about a nervous system that was chronically dysregulated resulting in a tendency to fawn, freeze and rescue in the past.
How valuable would it be to finally trust your voice and feel powerful in your own skin, even when the world gets loud and crazy around you?
This is why I created the Rooted community. It’s a sanctuary for women who are ready to regulate their nervous systems and reclaim their power.
As you join the Rooted community, you’ll quickly begin to realize that you don’t have to stay small anymore. You’ll notice your vitality returning as you rewire your body and brain for ease and flow.
I’ve opened the Rooted membership again for just three days. If you’re tired of feeling exhausted and alone, join us. I’ll provide the tools and the space; you bring your courage and willingness to step into the fullest version of you.
