Chronic Exhaustion was my dark night of the soul.
For me Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome has been more than only a body and mind experience. It’s been a deeply spiritual one. I would go so far as to say it has been a spiritual awakening. I know this is the case for many others too. From this context, healing from chronic exhaustion cannot be done without a spiritual awareness.
When I was diagnosed with Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome in 2013 I was already aware of the body and mind balance so I faithfully relied on a functional medical doctor to address the physical aspects while I received many BodyTalk and reiki sessions to address the energetic and body/mind component. My therapist at the time wanted to put me on anti-depressants so I ended sessions with her, knowing, in this case, that was not the answer and it was so much deeper.
I only really started to heal when I recognised the strong psychological patterns and need for security in my life that was underlying my drive to hold it all together, push myself and disconnect from my needs. What I did not recognise was that this created a quantum leap in my spiritual awakening. That only became clearer in time.
When I speak of spiritual awakening I mean becoming conscious of my truth – my authentic self when I am not wearing my different masks, playing out my roles and resorting to protective coping mechanisms that are not in alignment with my soul but rather fed by fear.
When I talk about spirituality I am talking about being connected to something greater than the self and being part of this whole. It’s knowing we are all connected to that same something greater and, so, we are all connected to each other. My spiritual focus started out as a Catholic God and moved from that to what I call Source or Universal Consciousness. It is what guides us to self-actualisation of our greatest potential in life so we can live as the divine beings we were born to be. We are all part of the divinity and it is part of us.
The more disconnected we are from our truth and our divine natures the more sick we become. Also, the more disconnected we are from a connection with something greater and from the internal guidance that is always available to us, the more powerless, alone and overwhelmed we feel in life.
In my ebook 5 Powerful Secrets for Overcoming Your Chronic Fatigue, I explain more about how, when we do not feel emotionally held as children, we disconnect from our truth and ultimately from our divine natures. We become self-reliant (versus open to spiritual support and guidance) and guided by fear and survival needs (the need to be looked after, to be recognised, to belong, to be accepted etc). However, when we then continue to look outside of ourselves for these needs to be met, while holding ourselves together and pushing so hard, we ultimately crash when we cannot keep this up anymore.
It took me years of healing and crashing on the adrenal fatigue rollercoaster before I grasped that the feeling of being safe and secure could only come from within. The minute I stopped looking out there for the answers and started to see my chronic exhaustion as a gift I stepped into surrender.
Spirituality is about surrender. It is having faith that if we allow ourselves to trust that inner guidance or higher guidance or intuition (whichever sounds best to you) we will ultimately be guided towards what is in our greatest and highest good.
Also, when we surrender, we stop all that exhausting holding – the holding onto expectations of what should happen, what we should do, how we should be; the holding ourselves together to not be vulnerable; the holding for everyone else so we feel in control and capable. Instead, we trust we are held by the greater force that is guiding us.
We spend our whole lives looking outside of ourselves for that unconditional containment, love and support that we lacked as children and it’s actually inside of us when we choose to connect to the divinity within that is a reflection of the spiritual world that exists within and around us.
This can be so scary because trusting and letting go do not come easily to people who have always held on tightly to avoid feeling alone, rejected and unsafe. However, if the holding is only making you feel more sick and depleted then perhaps you may find yourself when I found myself – needing to take that leap of faith or feel like I would be forever trapped in the hell of not being able to function fully and live the life I knew was possible.
How do you start? Do you know, I actually can’t really say because, once you choose to just accept your exhaustion and learn the gift that comes from it, then everything you need starts to open up and come to you. This is the flow and ease I so often talk about to my clients when I say you can move from fatigue to flow but you need to take a quantum leap of no longer looking out there for the answer to rather connect to your divinity and that nourishing, supportive spiritual connection. That journey will be different for each of you.
For me the spiritual journey had already started with an awareness of the wounded inner child that needed my acknowledgement and so I developed a compassion for a part of me instead of getting mad with her because she was vulnerable and anxious.
My journey has been deeply fuelled by the practice of meditation, Yoga Nidra and breathing to bring me back to myself and to hold a space for whatever I am feeling, instead of resisting it all.
My spirituality has been nurtured through daily grounding and Qi Gong where I feel I am being deeply supported by Mother Earth and Father Sky.
Then my journey was given a profound spiritual boost by the work I have done with a beautiful Tantric teacher who has taught me about the union of the divine masculine and feminine energies within me. The unconscious masculine energy drove me to illness but my divine masculine energy holds me and provides a container to receive my incredibly powerful and loving feminine essence who guides me to express my truth in this world. This meeting of my feminine has been a very sweet meeting indeed. Who knew I could be so loving, connected, deeply intuitive and alive?!
And we all can be.
Just over 2 weeks ago I sat at the closing ceremony of a retreat where I had deeply met my feminine energy while being held in the containment of the divine masculine energy and I felt so plugged into vitality, energy and nourishment it was like I was alive in a way I do not think I have ever been before.
This is available for everyone and, as crazy as it seems, your chronic fatigue, is the gift that can guide you there.
To begin: surrender and accept your exhaustion as you go within to listen to what your body and mind are trying to tell you. If you need some help try out one of these meditations or find a free one online. You can also contact me to see if I can support you in some way or find someone else who can support you on this spiritual journey.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE and where you are right now can either be the end of your world or the beginning of something great. It depends on how you choose to see it.
I’d love to hear from any of you if you have received any gifts through your chronic fatigue? Perhaps ask yourself “what would I not know about myself or what would never have changed if my body did not slow me down?”
5 Comments
I feel great satisfaction and vision on reading your post.
Spiritual, mother earth and father sky, the most beautiful way of putting it.
With the help of my son, through sit down conversation in regards to everything is in nature (broad spectrum conversation) thare seems to be within me to learn more.
Thank you for your post.
I am glad you were touched by this post in some way. I’m finding that many people are feeling a deeper call to connect to nature and to being more deeply connected spirituality (in whatever form that takes). I wish you all the best on this journey.
I fully resonate with your words. Especially being driven by the unconscious masculine. It came so strongly to me how much I needed to hear the words “My love, stop, nourish, rest. I got you.” I even wanted to ask a friend to say that to me. Just to hear how do those words sound. Yet again, I was asking externally. I work in a corporation, system hours that are driving my nervous system to complete burnout. Question came, whose ideas am I serving? How is my life energy being used… ? And answer leaves me silent and sad.
You have a lot of awareness of what you need and the tendency to seek it from your external world, and awareness is a great place to start versus being disconnected, which is often where many of us start. I am sorry you find yourself in an environment that is not feeding you and that you’re aware of how it incongruent with your needs. I love that you are asking these questions but they are also difficult to ask and the answer is often difficult to hear as change is not easy. That is why, for me and for many of my clients, it took complete burnout brining us to our knees to then actually make those changes. Feel that grief and honour it. Let your sadness be valid because it is. When you can acknowledge your sadness you are bringing the Deep, connected masculine energy to yourself and that is the place from which you can tune in to your needs and the wisdom of your Feminine energy and intuition – allowing and inviting more ease, flow and joy in whatever form that needs to be.
Pardon the past. It is finished. Gain from it and let go. Individuals are continually changing and developing. Try not to grip to a restricted, disengaged, pessimistic picture of an individual before. See that individual at this point. Your relationship is generally alive and evolving.