What’s your relationship with the feminine like?
When I first started my journey with embracing my feminine self in 2008 I needed to wear pink for a course I was doing. I did not own pink. I did not own dresses. I was not a soft person. So I borrowed something pink…. and I never looked back.
At that time I had no idea how fundamental my relationship with the feminine would be to the chronic fatigue I experienced later. Read on to learn how….
It took me four years of treatment and crashes to realise that at the root of my chronic fatigue was a deep sense of not feeling safe/not able to trust life and not feeling enough. I realised how this had, for as long as I could remember, shaped my responses to life, my behaviours and my constant hardness, pushing, driving and hypervigilance. These had been my default for so long that I didn’t realise they were not healthy ways of being and that they were exhausting me.
My chronic fatigue was my awakening, and the journey continues.
Initially, I did not realise that my healing journey was a spiritual journey. However, as I awakened in awareness I had a deep knowing that it had to be that way. When I first had my realisation about not feeling safe I rejected my masculine ways – my excessive pushing, striving, organising, planning, controlling and saw them as ‘bad’. Instead, I attempted to embrace all that was feminine and was ashamed of myself for constantly falling back into the doing, the urgency, scarcity, driving and fear-based way of working and living. It was an addiction and no amount of willpower was enough to stop me from depleting myself in this way.
While I had brought a great deal more softness and surrender to my life there was something missing to provide the deep sense of safety I craved to be able to just let go and trust life, to flow, listen to my intuition, be guided by my truth and live my passion – all the while receiving the abundance of life force and vitality available to me.
The key came in the form of the work I did with Juliet Haines, based on the work of the late Shakti Malan. After a forgotten inquiry to her I one day received an invitation to join her twelve month course to awaken the feminine. I felt such a deep yes in my body I signed up immediately.
Juliet not only supported working with the feminine but pointed out that the feminine will not feel safe if not connected to the masculine. WE HAVE TO HAVE BOTH ENERGIES BALANCED AND CONNECTED WITHIN US. Our feminine essence and creative energy needs a container. Conscious masculine energy when connected to the feminine is not about striving, doing, dominating and controlling. Instead it is about providing a container and structure to support the feminine creative essence to come into form.
I’d be happy to share more with you on a complimentary discovery call.