Sometimes I feel like a fraud.
There is a part of me that believes I need to be the expert and be perfect which also means I need to be fully healthy and well always.
Of course, there are polarities in life and we can’t ever only be one thing. We need to experience both sides to be whole.
In the last couple of weeks I have been very tired and I have felt like life has thrown one thing after another at us – between having to unexpectedly put down my beloved dog (after having to say goodbye to my cat earlier this year), our car breaking down again, and bad news about my son as well as business and financial issues for my husband it has felt tempting to go into victim mode.
On top of that was some shame about feeling like this.
Then I remembered that often when I work through these themes with clients and others they come very alive in my own life all over again (and we have been doing some deep dives in the Rooted Membership group that I run).
I also had to remind myself that it’s not about being perfect, never being tired again and always feeling on top of the world.
That’s not possible.
It’s about how we show up and experience the challenges, exhaustion and related emotions to learn and grow from it all and to move through it all with more ease, flow and joy rather than judge, resist and become even more stuck and depleted.
So I returned to my tool box and my regular practices and I’m feeling MUCH better – more positive, more energised and super excited about something that birthed itself during this time of contraction.
Because that’s the other thing about the ‘dark’ times – they are times of death of the old and birth of the new. They are times to fall apart, let go and surrender into the unknown and pure potential of the feminine energy so that something else can unfold which is inevitably much more aligned with our truth and wellbeing. It may not make sense and we may desperately need to know what and how but those masculine qualities need to be suspended as we try not to resist and rather flow with the unfolding and the unknown.
I wanted to share with you what I put in place during this time to support my health and wellbeing in case it may help you too:
- I remembered to have compassion for myself and my experience and feelings – to give my inner child acknowledgement and let everything that I was feeling be valid, including feeling like a victim and feeling like fraud.
- I allowed myself to sit with the emotions, feel them and let them process through my body. The emotions are made up of energy that needs to be processed and moved. The more we supress this energy the more exhausted and imbalanced we become.
- I called on my support team. I told a friend and some family members what I was going through without trying to pretend I was OK and I was reminded how blessed I am and how much we can receive when we open up. I gave my therapist a call and I somehow attracted THREE different offers of free breathwork sessions (with different practitioners!) and the breathwork was so supportive. I also received my regular BodyTalk swop session that happens once a month and which is always EXACTLY what I need.
- I also handed it all over to the divine (God, angels, universe -whatever you may turn to in times like this). I knew that I had to let it unfold and trust that which meant I had to stop trying to hold, force and control and instead trust that I am guided and supported at all times.
- I FINALLY stopped resisting it all and allowed myself to accept that no matter what was going on and no matter how sad, anxious, down or ashamed I felt, in every moment that I tuned in I was OK and it was OK. Moment by moment. And I was reminded of that when I came across a beautiful podcast that shared with me exactly what I needed to hear about surrender.
- I grounded myself and breathed regularly. I made sure to play with my children and hug my husband. I also did some practices to stimulate the vagus nerve and did the BodyTalk Cortices technique daily.
- I took time to go inwards and listen to my intuition before reacting out of fear (not always but often enough compared to how I have been in the past!)
- And did I mention COMPASSION?!
As always, as I surrendered, exactly what I needed came to me – certain words, realisations, a podcast, free breathing sessions etc. Always a reminder that when we let go we are deeply supported by life.
My head is still pretty busy. It always will be to some extent I suspect. But, I have found far more spaciousness and I’m not having to go along and react to everything that pops up in my very busy mind. I don’t have to follow every rabbit hole and exhaust myself with an endless need to make meaning and judge it all. I can detach a lot more and trust this unfolding story while feeling I am held and supported by life.
This experience of trusting life has taken a long time to cultivate and it has been pivotal to my healing. Also, the ability to stop, and connect within as well as listen to my intuition has been pivotal. These are foundational skills I share in my coaching and in the Rooted Membership group. Also, BodyTalk supports calming the nervous system, connecting to inner wisdom (heart brain and gut brain), and allowing the body to come back into balance.
If you’re in a difficult place right now how can you bring some compassion and some trust to the situation? How can you physically feel held and supported (breathing and grounding can help, as well as physically lying on the ground or earth and feeling the support)? How can you ask for support?
What if your challenges can be opportunities for change? Changes in how you respond to life, changes in how you experience life and changes to your overall sense of self, health and wellbeing?
Feel free to leave some thoughts in the comments below.
