With Tyler now being six months old it suddenly feels as if the sea has parted and a path has made itself clear through the murkier depths of parenting! This also makes it possible for me to look back and have the amazing ability of hindsight to see, from my vantage point of the murky depths, the way to get out of them! Isn’t that view always so much better?!
I believe that through this journey with Tyler my big shift came at a point at which I chose to just be with each moment as it was and to try not to judge myself or the situation. That was easy to say of course and the actual manifestation of that happened and then stopped happening and then happened again but those little incremental shifts in my way of being resulted in an overall shift. I stopped using my app that recorded when and how much he slept. I then stopped recording anything related to his sleeping and did not look at my watch at night (well, not always!). I allowed days where he slept for only 1 hour without freaking out that the night would be terrible as a result. I stopped trying to understand why he slept well on some days and not on others. I stopped trying to repeat and recreate the circumstances that I believed had helped him to sleep better when he did. The result…. so much EASIER.
In essence I stopped resisting what I felt were bad circumstances and because I was not fighting the circumstances I had some more energy for just being. Also, because I stopped all the monitoring, analaysing, wondering, and worrying I had more energy. Finally because I stopped judging myself and the situation and just allowed it to play itself out I had more energy. I believe that finding the correct homeopathic remedy helped me to let go but I also believe the time was ripe for me to find that remedy at a time when my conciousness of my way of being had shifted. I was tired of being tired and making my life so damn hard. Of course it didn’t all happen over night and there are still those nights when I wake up for what feels like the umpteenth tortuous time to resettle Tyler but as I have shifted it has (OF COURSE!) positively impacted him too. With Tyler now having slept really well three out of the last four nights I think I may just be allowing some ease in my life!