One day, long ago, my Grade 3 teacher called me a foghorn (FYI the definition of a foghorn is a device making a loud, deep sound as a warning to ships in fog). I was deeply ashamed and have never forgotten the comment. I know that she was probably fed-up with having to manage a class of loud children but it was a defining moment in my life when I was honing my good girl persona and learning what was safe, acceptable and likely to upset others.
My mother has often told me I was a bubbly, happy child. Until one day I wasn’t. I became shy and lacked confidence. It wasn’t just the teacher’s foghorn comment. It was the many moments of coming to the conclusion that the way I was expressing my emotions and speaking my truth was not acceptable. It seemed to upset people, make them shut down or get angry and at times led to me being punished. To belong and to be enough I needed to be different. So I changed.
Do you see yourself in that Little Kerry version of me? Is it possible that you too shut down your voice and your truth? I am writing this to say that, firstly, that shutting down is very likely a big part of why you battle with chronic fatigue now (and most specifically thyroid issues (throat/voice), if present) and, secondly, your chronic fatigue could very possibly be the rallying call to make a change and come back to you and your soul’s longing for more.
Have you ever felt like you could be so much more than what you currently are? Like a deep longing to fulfil some kind of potential that constantly eludes you but never goes too far out of sight to be lost forever? And, now your fatigue frustrates you even more because it seems to make it more impossible to fulfil that fullest potential you can viscerally sense?
Well, how about turning it around… What if your fatigue is just trying to tell you that you are not going to reach your potential in the hard, driven, head-based and controlled way that you’ve been backing for most of your life? What if your fatigue is telling you that you that it’s time to stop, come back to the beginning (YOU and your deepest truth) and to listen to how it wants to come through you?
That has been my experience. I can truly say I have never been happier, more deeply trusting of life or felt more connected to those around me than I am right now because of what Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome helped me to learn. I have a deep sense of who I am and who I am not. Sometimes I fall back into the old patterns, especially when I allow myself to focus on fear of lack and scarcity (this has been my big learning this year) and then I get tired again. But as soon as I entertain the old patterns my fatigue is the foghorn that warns me to steer clear of that path and I step back into the place of listening, receiving and allowing.
And it’s just so much easier. It’s not like nothing happens with this easier, more rested way of being. In fact, there is so much more clarity and direction without all the beating through the bushes and hustling to gain it.
And this is not just my experience but the experience of my clients too.
To undo the patterns that have created exhaustion in life we all have to start from the beginning where the patterns began. That is what I support people to do in Module 5 of my Fatigue to Flow coaching programme.
I want everyone to know that transformation from exhaustion is possible.
However, transformation is not convenient or easy. That is why you need someone to support you along the way. If you’re trying to do this journey alone, continuing to be that self-reliant child then reach out and let someone else parent you for once.
Maybe it’s time to let go?
If you’d like some support with your chronic fatigue consider signing up for a complimentary call where we can explore what that could look like for you.