So much for regular diary entries! Suddenly I find myself with an almost 9 month old baby and I have not had a chance to spend much time on my blog – resulting in 16 rough drafts I have not been able to polish and post.
If I have to be honest with myself I have also been procrastinating and, as with most procrastination, that is fueled by perfectionism. In my case I want to do justice to my blog and write as well as I am able which does not feel possible when I live with a constant case of brain fog. I call my children using my pet’s names, I shout at my pets using my children’s names, I keep referring to the damn dishwasher as a tumble dryer and the other day called my dressing gown a sleeping bag. (This is not really surprising given that I can usually be found most nights wondering through the house in a daze and wrapped in my dressing grown as I answer the cries of one of my children or rock Tyler to sleep!) My point being, with a fuzzy brain like that – I don’t feel I can write so well and battle to write as easily as I have in the past. I have now chosen to bite the bullet and do it – fuzzy brain and all…. After all, if the bar that defines good enough is not lowered after two children you may as well just throw in the dressing gown….I mean towel!
So what I am going to do is post all the drafts I started even though some are now as much as 8 months out of date. It will be a retrospective tale of conscious living (and some very unconscious and raw, instinctual moments!) since Tyler was born last November. I will finish them up and post them one by one. This is a very self-motivated act as I am sure it will be healing for me to see what I have been through and where I am now. However, I truly hope that for some of you who are in the midst of the darkness and craziness that can fall upon you after a new baby enters your life, this style of blogging and my blogs will remind you that life does eventually start to resume some form of normality (which includes a lovely, babbly, crawling and madly teething baby!)