“At best, we were parented by “fair-weather parents” who were nice and kind or cold and sharp, depending on how our behavior suited them in the moment. At worst, we were abused, manipulated, or abandoned, left to feel like we were worthless or were some sort of an asset to be used. And this was how we learned what love is. We learned from people who themselves were struggling, disconnected, and afraid, and who were conditioned by a culture that only knows one way to interact with powerful energies: to attempt to dominate and control them”.
This quote comes from Kelly Brogan’s book, Own Your Self, and is surprisingly relevant to chronic exhaustion.
Most of us were brought up by parents who consciously or unconsciously shut us down and/or imposed conditions on us in return for love and acceptance. That is because they were brought up by parents who did the same and this repeats back over generations across time where children were really there to be seen and not heard. And in this case they were certainly only seen superficially and definitely not in the way that most of us yearned to be seen as children – to be seen just as we were without needing to be well-mannered, mild-tempered or a “good girl/boy” to be acknowledged.
Those subtle and not so subtle rules and conditions stick. We then either spend our lives putting all our energy into ensuring that we keep meeting them so we will be good enough, loved, and accepted or we go the opposite and spend every ounce of energy rebelling against them and going in the opposite direction.
Either way is a long-way from the essence of who we truly are. Either way is also exhausting as it takes effort and these ways of doing rather than truly being are not in alignment with the natural flow of life that wants to be birthed through us.
Yet, as exhausting as it, we keep living this way because we are afraid of what will happen and who we will be if we are not that adapted version we have become and because we don’t usually know what the alternative is.
We often do not even know we are looking for an alternative as we so deeply believe that the adapted, live-small version we have adopted is who we truly are.
Until we become ill because we have spent so much time and energy adapting ourselves to feel safe, be good enough and feel like we belong and are truly seen.
Until we have done it for so long that we have embodied our tension, rigidity, holding and suppression so that things don’t flow or balance so well in our bodies any more.
Healing from Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Fatigue, chronic stress and overwhelm, especially the kind of healing that is deeply transformative and lasting and does not come about from relying solely on very expensive supplements and restricted diets, cannot happen without revisiting the ways that child self adapted her/himself and exploring what the alternative, aligned, truth of the self is. This is also unlikely to stick without exploring a way to feel safe so that the old ways are not needed anymore.
If this resonates with you and you are someone who feels deeply called to do more with your life and work but chronic stress and/or exhaustion keeps you trapped, frustrated and desperate you are welcome to give me a call or send me an email at kerry@Kerrymagnus.net to explore this a little more.
